Account change

Its been a while and I havent been able to post as frequently as I presumed. 

I realised my blog is not what I want it to become so am deleting my account and reopening a new blog with a more organised flow

Thank you all for the love,follows,likes and comments plus the responses.You made my first attempt to blogging worthit.

Love forever



Children need our prayers most

Today I am not only heart vandalised I am disappointed and devastated and I think destroyed.

When growing up, In Africa,some place not so uptown, I had the most satisfying childhood. Not interms  of money or wealth, I had family,I had everyone around, grand parents,cousins, neighbors and yes it has made me who I am today.

I played with no worries,laughed like there was no tomorrow and lived my childhood to the full. 

Looking at images from Syria not only makes me sob, it shows that we have a long way to go. Why fight for land and politics and things that don’t last when we are to die and leave them behind. Why rob children of happiness and a place to call home? Why expose them to cruelty and selfishness? Why corrupt the souls meant to be innocent and fill them with disgust and hate? I will never understand why.

I remember one  Wednesday evening at church, our pastor asked us to pray for the children all around the world like they are our own. She told us to intercede on their behalf and ask God to send them angels to watch and guard over their hearts and minds.  Because as in the Bible  out of our hearts are the issues of life (Prov 4:23)

Children need our prayers more than anyone because they are children. They are entitled to a life of smiles,contentment and peace. A life of beauty and experiences worth remembering

Not a life of war and bloodshed,children watching their parents butchered like hens,children abused, raped and their rights violated. 

How can we change this? 
Its only through prayer. You may ask, doesn’t God see this happen?

Well if you never ask you never get. So if we join hands in a prayer of agreement for children exposed to the worst of scenarios, our prayer will be answered.

Because every child is your child. Let’s teach our children to pray for other kids before they go to bed and to school. Let them know that the world out their is cruel but our prayers work and change situations.

Let us add it to our prayer requests let’s priotise children

Let us be that hope and solution. Let us provide the miracles through prayer

Take a stand, fight school shootings

Been reading about these school shootings and in just around America its been ongoing  as early as 1970’s

It leaves me to wonder, the next generation is the kids we have right now,kids that boldly take a gun and destroy lives,kids that bully another to the extent of suicide.

Kids without the littlest of sympathy or love for another. 

Is this the next world we are having?. Is this what we want,?will this stop our cries and claims for a better world if only a child would stab the mom because she said no to him going for a party.

This is not what we want and who is to blame? 

Can it be the parents the let their children get away with indiscipline or maybe the TV programs they are exposed to?

Can we blame culture or the friends we hang out with?

Can we blame the government for not regulating guns and their usage or parents that leave them lying anywhere and makes them accessible?

Can we blame irreligion,the pastors that aint instilling christian values in kids or the parents that nolonger take their children to church and sunday school or we push the blame to the  devil?

Or let’s blame school authorities that take security lightly because these are children so they see no need for metal detectors?

Am thinking there’s no one to blame but each one of us. Society has changed and looks at crime as a day today practice.

Imagine if you are that parent that sent that one child that God gave you to school only to be called by police saying his one of the victims and is laying in cold blood. 

School should not be a threat to the young, No, it should be a place kids look forward to, a place where you learn new things all the time where you make friends for life.

Let us restore this joy we had in the mornings when it was time for class.

Let’s work as a team and save our tomorrow

Let us take a stand and fight for what is right.

Be that change you always wanted to see

School shootings are robbing us of the future
#bleeding soul

Been to heaven more than once

Its an aura you experience,the way your body becomes sensitive to every change in the room. The breeze that feels cold when its hot  and vice versa

The feeling where everything is vividly possible and you could spin the whole world on your pinky finger

Its the joy that feels your heart and the calmness that floods your soul.its the embrace in each word shared

An ecstaticly ticklish feeling of your worries totally dissolving and the freedom thereafter

A place where Superman is no hero because Abraham  did lots Elijah and Elisha as well.

My happy place will always be church because it gets the purest of emotions out of me
I pray you get to experience it too

Dear next king,

Well I ain’t broken am just so careful on the inside am fragile
And maybe I want you to melt that ice and have me feel safe and secure around you

I want you to try with me and also teach me how to love you with ease

I want you to be my one last time so I’ll be ready to give you that chance

No I ain’t complicated, I am so easy to understand because I love the simple things. The art in what seems so ordinary like a kiss on the fore head and random I love you’s

I ain’t so demanding either so I won’t be asking for a maserati anytime soon even though i d love one

I am impressed by real effort and lots of honesty. I also love attention and I give lots of it. I maybe a little clingy too

So when I do what you hate then I’d prefer a sit down and a tell all and I promise I’ll change for the better.

Sometimes I just want you to listen to my rants and my not so funny stories

To my pain and my happiness

I want you to laugh with me or maybe just wipe  the tear before it rolls down my face

Other times I just wanna hear you talk

Of anything that makes your day or maybe just make up a story to have me laugh my lungs out

I just want to be happy with you

Go out on dates,watch the stars together get mad at each other and still work it through

I want us to have a bucket list

Not one full of water to pour on each other but rather a list of crazy activities that only me and you can do together

I want us to be our own kind of Hollywood sit back and watch the trailers and drama of our crazy moves

I want me and you to last

And I want you to come sooner

With love.

Smiling depression

Sometimes you  keep the smile on to conceal the pain underneath.

Sometimes you really wanna pour out your heart to someone and let them know how it really hurts and how you can’t fix it no matter how hard you try.

Other times you just ignore the pain in hope that it will totally fade away but you stay with the freshest bruises that grow deep instead of dry.

You just smile, keep happy, stay positive but deep inside a sledgehammer is vandalising your soul and no you can’t cry out.

All along it felt like you had a ton of friends ready to catch you with the slightest stumble only to turn around and its you yourself and you.

So you smile,not because its all fine but because its the only option life chose to leave you with.

Its a feeling of inadequacy,pain,loneliness and misunderstanding that a few people that could make it go away abandon you when you need them the most.

Does it go you may ask? 

No it never goes away,it may run low on the scorching pain but its always somewhere and the littlest of scenarios will awaken it someday.

So when I smile be kind enough to return the smile because under it is the loneliest of hearts that you may be able to rescue.




Time check …..11:28

I have been thinking of what I could possibly do to increase on my earnings since my job seems to be paying me peanuts in comparison to my necessities.

I have always been about money and business and stock exchange and lots of foreign currency and its main reason why I currently pursue a bachelor’s degree in international business.

I needed a fresh idea and I asked a few friends around. Something that would require less attention.

One of them talked of African print materials (proudly African girl).

He said importing and reselling would really be a good way to make profit. My task would be to locate online market and trace clients from everywhere.(hope its as easy as my imagination)

Currently am choosing to focus on the bright side, business booming getting celebrities and big rich people to buy from me. Generally customer satisfaction with no specificities as along as I earn.

What I have is a big vast picture always been an optimistic person. But can’t help the fact that the capital,supplier,actual market is a huge challenge. I refuse to fear because I know God will give me the best strategies.

Since am 20 and a month old.I have moved into that phase of living the moment enjoying the privilege of being healthy and young. Achieving fantasy dreams.

I  always wanted to do free lance modelling at my pace no pressure so this seems like a huge opportunity. I’ll need  to find a good seamstress though and have them draft up nice attires, I have a galfrend that would do make up for a fairly nice price, have friends that can model one or two pieces then baaaaam am  good to go. Then this can land me on television as I have always wanted to feature on tv shows. That means hitting my goals of before 25.

Well all this is 2018 plan. Want to start the new year stronger by 21 which is approximately 11 months away I should have achieved the modelling goal.
I am praying for capital as its what is most relevant  plus  a good quality supplier,  seamstress and penetration of market quickly. Before long I’ll be showcasing modern African clothes with a touch of me. Am super excited  I could be the next big thing. Fingers crossed.

Optimistic baekey.

Makeup ain’t self hate

Am not so much a makeup girl one that will spend 3 hours getting there faces all painted but totally have no problem with it.I will probably use the eyeliner and do my eyebrow(not so perfect yet) and some gloss or lipstick then head out. 

With the current fenty beauty by Rihanna then Kylie products then KKW then Mac then black opal, Huddah cosmetics  the list is endless I love the creativity it gives to ones look.

Some people think makeup is to cover up the ugliness and look all fake. I don’t think it is that anyway. Make up is not self hate, its a way to elevate ones moods and add art to oneself.

I think we appreciate our fleek and all the flaws.We truly believe in ourselves we just use all that make up to switch the bombness to our self looks the way we want it. (Cardi B quote)

Same thing with the filters and snap chat ones are my deal breaker. They give that be it silly,fancy ,crazy,funny look.they are a good boost for a sad day or mood for someone like me.

Still its not that I don’t like the way I look without makeup or filters I just love the tingling sensation it builds every time I add dog ears and flowers and all those adjustments to my cute self
PS.don’t use makeup or filters because you feel your lacking or ugly. Use it because your artistic and alive and happy

You are beautiful and a star and none else could ever much you.

#am open to any additional knowledge

Handling Grief


Nothing hurts as much as watching someone you love so much suffer. You don’t want to feel clingy or like adding to the pain that person feels already but  want them to get over it.

You don’t want them to feel like your trying to replace the person they lost but still u want them to be lively as before. You want to hear the enthusiasm they had in each word,the jokes they cracked and the curves made by their lips as they smiled. Yes you want the normal them back but you just can’t have it,you cannot just force it out.

You want them to heal soonest though it would probably take  forever. You want to be by there side and walk through each step with them. Not as a lover but as a good trusted friend as someone that would lay it all down to have them smile again. you can only let nature take it’s course even though it takes centuries.

I have known him for about 6 years now and his so introvert.His loyal to the core with too much love to give. It takes a lot to get  a conversation out of him.He keeps everything inside.Perfect gentleman and perfect friend.

Now he has lost his girlfriend his loyal trap queen his moon his bestfriend he has lost all hope to love.He promised her he would never forget about her.He swore on her death bed. Their love was bonnie and Clyde 21st century version. They have each moment in a picture framed on engraved on there hearts. She left with hers and he stayed with theirs.

He tries to act strong but each of his posts and texts carry lots of pain.I try to check in once a day but doesn’t feel enough.

Wish I could make it all go away with a magic wand or maybe turn back time and make each moment count more for both of them. Il need a lot of ideas to help .

I know she is with the Lord and prayer will help him move on.

Always in my prayers 



Never knew what cancer really meant asides from the TV and magazines and some extent I thought it was a disease for western people.
Till now I can’t explain  what started as a small pimple on her breast turned out to be the death of a curvaceous beautiful girlfriend to my close friend.Tears just can’t stop rolling down my face.

Never knew death was this painful and sudden.Its so hard to see someone suffer and be in pain especially one you love.I wished her life but the pain was too much.From a tumor in her underarm and wrist and breast.She died at 20 only 20 with the bright future ahead of her.

She left her single mother stranded and in immense sorrow and debt.With grief and pain undescribable The costs were too high and she gave up so soon

Sera should have stayed longer she should have seen more life wonders BUT the odds weren’t in her favor maybe we could have become close. But Life took from my friend his other half his life his best friend. I only wish I could say the right words to comfort him but his pain cuts too deep.

To all that have beat cancer I salute you.

In memory of a friend an icon a girlfriend a sister and all words can’t describe. Greatly missed

Forever grieving an angel